This year, maybe, will be different.

There's something about March that always makes me want to garden. I think it's the anticipation for spring, the warmth and the green that will soon be everywhere. The grayness of Michigan winters can really drag you down, especially in February.

Year after year I'll spend days clicking through gardening websites and reading about tips for growing seedlings indoors. I'll plot out what I want my garden - which will be a mix of flowers and vegetables - and the landscaping that would go hand in hand with it. I'll narrow down the websites for where I will order seeds, make notes of the local nurseries and when they will open (they are all closed until the spring and in this northern state spring isn't until late March to mid April) and wish list all the garden decorations that I will save up for to buy later.

Then spring comes and suddenly it's fall again.
I really have a problem following through.

Some days I go through my notebooks and saved documents on my laptop and look at the plans I've coordinated myself - for gardening, sewing, writing, traveling. Some are well thought out, others are just the beginnings of a scheme. Nearly all of them have not seen the light of the day. I always put them back though because maybe... someday... they will see fruition. 

In the meantime, I'm working on my plan for this coming spring against the backdrop of a dingy white sky under the office fluorescence. Maybe this year will be different.

Inbox Horror

I have 11, 102 emails in my email account. 9, 948 of them are unread.

When this happens the usual result is I make a brand new email and the inbox is sparkly clean and organized for maybe a month. Then it starts again. I sign up for something maybe because I want a coupon for my birthday. Or I get $10 off if I include an email. And the advertisements build. And build. And slowly choke the life out of my beautiful, squeaky clean inbox.

It's a vicious cycle that I've dealt with ever since my first hotmail account. I am so lazy I can't even maintain a virtual email inbox. And all it takes is like three clicks of a button.

But those three clicks... so much effort.

I own way too many notepads like this
and I still want more.

I bring this up because I've been creating a list for myself. I am a list person, I love lists. I love them because they organize and motivate me. I get the satisfaction of having everything expected of me listed in neat, bulleted rows (sometimes organized by ascending importance) and crossing them off as each task is accomplished.

Since I've started this, though, I'm creating lists for everything. An overall list turned into "A Yearly Goal" list and "Short-Term Goal" lists. And then subcategories of those lists turn into even more detailed lists. I have a list titled "Ways to Better Myself and I could probably break that down into physical and mental achievements.

Thing is: It's working. Or at least it's working so far. There are some things I'm still stubborn on and skipping. Such as the goal of exercising every day. Or learning a new word and writing about it every day. I skip these sometimes. Maybe I should create a reward system. I'll get a sticker at the end of the day/week for every goal I complete. Isn't that what grade school teachers used to do for like spelling tests?

I never had this many gold stars.

I hated those. A list of names with certain color stars. I never had a lot of stars. I usually had the blue stars. Blue for I didn't score high enough for a gold or silver (Was silver a B or C?) but the worst was going up in front of the class to pick out your designated color star and then placing it on the chart. My pathetically short line of stars compared to the ones above me. Sometimes if you scored too low you didn't get any.

Which is why I had less stars than everyone else.

So yeah, maybe a star chart. I can get my husband involved for whatever things he's been putting off as well. And then I can have more stars than him. Ha ha!

The point is, I've added a new goal which is to clear out my inbox. All 11,000+ of them. And I'm scared. A little excited too because I have a tendency to email myself story ideas, incomplete blog entries, and drabbles.

Now where to start?

Sugar will consume your soul

Okay, so this is one of those blogs I always say I’m going to start and then maybe I create it and never do anything with it.

Though it will be part of my New Years Resolution to maintain this blog. People change their resolutions all the time! Though I still vow to lose ten pounds and write a book, keeping a blog I think is just as challenging.

I think I have a good start on the weight loss. The flu helped in a really messed up way of forcing me to not eat the normal crap I ingest on a daily basis. So I’m teetering on the edge of going back to like it ‘was’ and maintaining some semblance of discipline in what I shove into my face.

I just love latte’s so damn much.

Who am I kidding? Mom would say it’s the sugar. And she’s probably right. She’s usually right. I love sugar and the thing about sugar is it’s got these really long, evil claws that just dig in and you can’t escape. You can’t. I mean it in the most practical way too. Sugar is in EVERYTHING.

It would be crazy to attempt to not eat any sugar. I don’t know if I could do it. I would have to allow myself fruits. I love apples way too much to not allow myself to eat those. Perhaps I could challenge myself to anything with unnatural sugar should not be consumed.

As I say this one of my coworkers walk in “I brought brownies for everyone!”

Sigh. See. Everywhere.